Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
