It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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