Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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