I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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