If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
