I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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