We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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