is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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