While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
