my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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