No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
