So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Randomize