i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
