Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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