I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
