i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So much Jack, so little girl.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
