Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
