you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
