I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
