can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
