How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
