I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
