What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
