sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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