Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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