Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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