please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
