At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
