you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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