jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
