It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize