I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
