So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
