At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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