you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
