too bad you live with your parents still
Sober January is a disaster.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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