your thong is hanging out like whoa
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
