did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
