i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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