FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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