Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
