he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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