Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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