I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
