She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I wish I could teleport
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize