dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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