tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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