LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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