I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
