Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
