I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I showed him my bush... on skype.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
