yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
