Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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