i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
