he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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