I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
