I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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