Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
