I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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