Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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