I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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