You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
He? As in you personified your dick?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize