dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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