Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I wear drunk well.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
