i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
