He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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