Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
third nipple confirmed
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
