yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize