U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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