it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I love you.
Bad choice
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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